Homemade Nutella

Today, I discovered that I could make Nutella.

Okay, so I guess that this isn't new to many of you. Many bloggers out there have been making their own jar of happiness since aeons ago. But for me, it's a revelation. Of how powerful my little food processor can be.

I mean just look at that:

To be honest, I didn't think I could do it. I mean I did try making some ground nut truffles before, but they were still kinda chunky - albeit delicious - so I just drew the conclusion that my processor was no Vitamix or Robocoupe and Nutella would have to come from my nearest Tesco.

Then for some reason this afternoon, I opened the fridge door and felt the bag of ground hazelnuts looking at me. I bought the bag awhile ago with every intention of making macarons. Now, still having the blues of not working anymore, I didn't feel like piping intricate circles on baking sheets or whipping up batches of buttercream (funny how one can miss working, but I do. God, I do. I can't sleep at night now - back to being an insomniac - which sucks because I could have slept brushing my teeth when I came home from work. I miss my friends so badly I actually stalk them on Facebook. Sigh. Send help). I wanted chocolate, and I wanted it in spoonable form. So I made Nutella.

One of my friends doesn't think much of hazelnuts - that was, until I roasted them for him. He said he found them oddly devoid of flavour and preferred snacking on walnuts and almonds and pumpkin nu-I mean, seeds. I stubbornly insisted that they were good (which is odd coming from someone who doesn't like nuts. I don't like nuts. In nut form, that is. I love peanut butter and anything made with nut flours. And if pistachio paste makes me giddy, marzipan just makes me die and go to nut paste heaven.) and toasted a handful and left them on the counter. I came back to find an empty pan.

So I roasted the ground nuts. Then I threw them in my food processor and blended and meticulously scraped down for what felt like hours. I nearly squealed when I saw the nuts smoothing out.. Then releasing their oils.. I think I actually blended it more than necessary, seeing was I was still scraping down and blending after I got hazelnut paste. I blended it even more after adding the sugar and cocoa..

And when I poured it into the jar I wanted to cry, it looked so beautiful.

I need to stash this away in the deepest recesses of my fridge. My sister hoards Nutella - she won't even let me take so much as a sniff when I bring her home a jar. I need to buy two jars when I use it to bake, sometimes three because I want one all to myself. Sheesh. Anyhoo, I made this batch when my mom and sister was away at school so nobody knows. 

It's mine. All mine.

Homemade Nutella

Adapted from Southern Italian Desserts by Rosetta Constantino

150g ground hazelnuts (you can buy them whole, roast them, then grind them yourself but I had some already ground so I just ran with it)

2 tbsp coconut oil, or use any neutral tasting vegetable oil, plus 2 tbsp extra if you want a thinner consistency

63g icing sugar, plus a little more, to taste

3 tbsp cocoa powder

1/2 tsp vanilla extract

1. Preheat the oven to 180C. Spread the ground hazelnuts on a baking sheet. Bake for 15 minutes, stirring every 5 minutes, until golden and nutty-smelling. My ground hazelnuts were made from untoasted nuts, so I just toasted them already ground. Initially skeptical, I was giddy when it worked.

2. Dump all the ground nuts into a blender or a food processor and blend. It's best to do this while the nuts are still warm, as they release their oils better. Depending on the speed and power of your blender, you may or may not need the oil. I didn't add any at all. Just keep blending and scraping down the sides.. And blending.. And scraping (adding one or two tablespoons of the oil if necessary).. Until the nuts become a smooth paste. It's going to seem like forever (20 minutes-ish) but have faith, it'll happen. Add a little more oil if you have to.

3. Add the icing sugar and cocoa powder, blend until mixed in. Blend in the vanilla extract. Taste the mixture to see if you like it sweeter - I did and I added another tablespoon of sugar. The sugar and cocoa will thicken up the mixture quite abit, so add another tablespoon of oil if you want a looser consistency. I didn't add any oil at all because I'm stingy like that and I kinda liked the thick, gloppy paste that stuck to the roof of my mouth. Reminds me of peanut butter.

4. Pour the contents of the blender into a jar and keep in the fridge. 

Dark Chocolate Torte

Hi. I'm still alive, just in case you're wondering.

Which brings me to wonder, does anyone even read this ?

Regardless, I am writing this now because I am no longer working. Yup, after a month and a half of working in the hotel kitchen, I find myself at home again, with nothing to do but bake and eat. I did not quit the job. I wasn't fired either. I was just "removed" because the hotel decided that part timers were too expensive to be hired. I'm still scratching my head over that one, because it's one of the richest places in the city.. But whatever. I digress.

How have the six weeks been ? Well, if I have to be honest, those were the best weeks of my life. I walked in on my first day, feeling weird and jittery to the extent where I had no appetite. This is coming from a girl who practically eats her feelings.. But that day I could barely look at my water, let alone put solid food in my mouth. It was like walking into school after you graduated. Everything seems so familiar, but you get a sense of something different around the place. Most of my friends had left, with the exception of a few old faces. By the end of the day, I had met and liked everyone in the establishment, new and old alike. 

Time flew. My appetite came back and I ate voraciously and I didn't care because I was always running around and sweating it out having to grill trays of veggies often. I remembered how to do the things I once did when I worked there before, like how to make cheese plates (I work in a buffet with a cheese plate. How awesome is that ?) and layer lasagnes. I carted trays and boxes around and spent eleven hours a day on my feet so when I got home and sat down, my joints actually groaned. I cooked and watched people cook and made up my mind that if I ever wanted to eat anything Alfredo, I wasn't going to make it myself (cream + bacon fat + cheese could only mean deliciousness, but it still wasn't something I was willing to actually cook for myself..). I got acquainted with the new head of the place and also managed to get yelled at once or twice (believe me, those things were not of my doing). I met more people and made so many friends and found a sort of niche for myself in a place where nearly everyone was male. I didn't care. I loved it.

I loved that some guests remembered me. I loved that I could stuff my face with chocolate and fried pizza dough and not worry about putting on weight (okay, I did worry a little but it was justified in the end). I loved that I got paid to work around ingredients I had only seen previously but never got to touch or buy or eat because they were so goddamn expensive, or be around people that just made me happy. Everyone was so ridiculously easy to get along with, and I began to look forward to seeing them every day when I woke up. If this sounds stupid, I don't care. Sue me.

So when I was told then it had to end, I went into shock. I mean, I knew that I would have to stop sooner or later. My plan was to work till June, or at least the end of May, when my graduation would be. I never expected to be kicked out so early, more than two weeks earlier than what I had anticipated. My friends were surprised and they did tell me to stay, as well as come with up some silly suggestions to help me sneak back in, but I knew I couldn't do it. I didn't want to extend my welcome. On the last day of work, I went and did everything as I always did. And I left as I always did, without saying goodbye.

I never say goodbye. I don't like goodbyes. I always, always believe that they're not necessary because I'll always be seeing the other person again. Then I realized, that this time, I wouldn't be seeing them again. I wouldn't be going back there to work. I couldn't afford to go to a five star buffet to eat, and why would I, when they would be the ones slaving away to feed me ? I would be leaving the country in July. When was I going to see them again ?

I made up my mind. I walked back in - and sheepishly collected my voucher and pay for the week - and said goodbye and thanks to the people I should have byed and thanked before I left. I didn't stay long though.. It felt different already. I wasn't in my uniform and they still had to work. I didn't. I went home and cried.

I'm still not used to waking up and not having to drive off to work. I'm not used to having enough sleep, and I'm not used to being at home again. I'm not used to not being able to stuff my face anymore - technically I could, but with the amount of physical activity I have these days, it wouldn't be wise. Most of all, I'm not used to not being around the people I have grown to adore and, dare I say it, love. 

Erk, look at me, I've become such a baby.

I miss my friends. I really do.

Yes, there's Facebook and whatsapp and whatever social media and I can still visit and all but I'm so afraid it won't be the same. There's a huge difference in asking "how are you doing ?" when you're both fighting off the onslaught of hungry guests and asking "how are you doing ?" after commenting on someone's post about work via Facebook. 

But moping around isn't much good. I mean, why, when I have just proclaimed to have had the best times of my life ? Who knows, maybe I'll remain fast (Facebook) friends with some of them and we could be destinied to meet and work together again someday. Or I might run into one of them in Switzerland (wow). Or maybe I'd actually get that pair of shoes from said country for one of my friends who asked for said pair of shoes. And then we'd have to meet again. Or something like that. So on that cheerful(er) note, I leave you with this tart. Or torte, since I didn't actually make a tart shell. Nor was it made in a tart pan. I also made this when I was in the middle of a working week and in dire need of chocolate from lack of sleep and probably some essential minerals, come to think of it, since my diet at that point consisted of cheese and smoked salmon. But who am I kidding, I'm always in dire need of chocolate.

And normally, I would never be found making tortes, or anything for that matter, which ingredients are wholly cream and chocolate. I love my thighs too much for that (not that I have slim thighs in the first place). But I was walking around all day and I was eating a lot of cream and chocolate anyway so I figured "eh, why not ?"

Make this. Whether you're waking hours are spent walking or cooking or mooching around, make this and eat it. Then go ahead and reminisce about the good times. You'll feel better, trust me.

Dark Chocolate Torte

Adapted from this recipe.

For the crust:

10 graham crackers (I used digestives)

1 tbsp cocoa powder

2 tbsp brown sugar

5 tbsp butter

For the filling:

2 cups whipping cream

16 oz good quality bittersweet chocolate 

1. To make the crust, preheat the oven to 180C. Put all the ingredients except for the butter into a food processor and blend until very fine. Add the butter and pulse until the mixture becomes crumbly, like wet sand. If this doesn't happen, add another tablespoon of butter. Press the mixture into the bottom of a 7 inch springform pan and bake for 10 minutes. Leave to cool while you prepare the filling.

2. Chop the chocolate into little pieces and place in a large heatproof bowl. Heat the cream in a saucepan till just below a simmer - careful, you don't want it to boil. Pour the cream over the chocolate and let sit for a minute or so, then using a wooden spoon or a spatula, stir gently until the chocolate is melted and everything is combined and smooth. 

3. Pour the filling over the crust and refrigerate the torte until set, this should take at least three hours. To serve, unclip the sides of the pan and cut slices with a knife dipped into water and wiped dry. Make sure to clean the knife between slices !