Back with Pie?

I've been gone an awfully long time. I'm a terrible writer, and I'm sorry.

You see, in the one-year-and-two-months that I've been away, I've gone to New York to work, had the place I worked at close down, and then worked my a** off to find a new job only to have my visa sponsors reject every single one and thus initiating my earlier-than-anticipated return to Malaysia. Having come back, my boyfriend (Yes... I seem to have acquired one of those) and I went to work at a new restaurant as part of the opening team only to find out how complicated things could get, hence, my current unemployed, desperate-for-a-proper-job-due-to-lack-of-money-but-not-wanting-to-work-for-anyone-else-status. Suffice to say, it's been one hell of a year.

So um... If anyone is actually reading this, I am and will be eternally grateful. You surprise me.

Anyhow, having come back from a rough but memorable time in the Big Apple as a quieter, older and slightly larger version of myself, all I have to say is...

New York is expensive. But the food is good. The city is beautiful. My time there was an experience I would never trade for anything else. Hey, I learned to quenelle ic creams and make fancy desserts. And I ate my weight in chocolate at work. What could be better ?

Everything is bigger in.. New York?

Cirque du Soleil. Another tick on my bucket list.

Coming home was like letting out a breath I held for a year - mostly because I have my kitchen and mixer and over at my disposal. And my room, dear god, how wonderful it was to have a living space larger than a matchbox.

I baked a lot of things - brownies being the first, obviously, and then I sandwiched them with mint ice cream, (homemade, I might add. See, I've learnt some new tricks at my stint in NYC), but the pictures will come later - but the one I'm posting today is going to be a chocolate pecan pie. Mainly because I made one before, aeons ago so I'm not even going to bother you with the terrible pictures... But my mom loved it. And I remember a friend telling me to eat pecan pie when I went to New York (which I neglected to do - I'm not too fond of nuts in anything other than what they already are, that is, a nut.) and also finding out that the boyfriend has a certain affinity for pecans. So I did the throwback thing, except I wanted to make it more blog worthy. Because, you know, this place has been gathering dust for a while now. Cough. 

 Google did not disappoint. I chanced across this beautiful looking pie from Baking A Moment and I knew it was going to be the one I would make. And guess what? My mom loved it, my friend loved it, the boyfriend (who's never actually had pecan pie) gave it a nod (which is a pretty high form of praise from mister I-don't-know-what-to-say) and moi, qui deteste pecan pie, couldn't stop cutting off tiny slivers for myself to taste. Yes...taste...

I made a few changes to the original recipe, I doubled the crust because it just didn't seem like enough to fit into my 9 inch pie pan and I added way more pecans. And chocolate. Duh.

Take my word for it, though, this pie is sublime. 

Chocolate Pecan Pie

Adapted slightly from Baking A Moment.

For the crust:

2 cups all-purpose flour

1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder 

4 tablespoons granulated sugar

1 teaspoon kosher salt

4 tablespoons oil

1/2 (1 stick) cold unsalted butter, cubed

3 to 5 tablespoons ice water

For the filling:

3 eggs

1/2 cup brown sugar 

2/3 cup honey

5 ounces bittersweet chocolate, melted

4 tablespoons unsweetened butter, melted

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 teaspoon kosher salt

2 cups pecan pieces

pecan halves, for garnish (use the pretty halves)

To make the crust:

1. Combine the flour, cocoa powder, sugar and salt in a large bowl. Add the oil and stir until the mixture looks like sand. 

2. Toss in the butter and use your fingers to rub it in until the mixture looks even more like sand. It'll be crumbly and a little dry. Add the water, a teaspoon at a time, just until the dough gathers into a ball. Don't make the dough too wet ! Chill in the fridge for an hour.

3. Roll the dough into a rectangle about 1/3 inch thick on a lightly floured surface. Fold it into thirds like a letter and roll it out into a rectangle again, about 1/3 inch thick. Repeat the folding and rolling twice more, wrap and chill for another 2 hours.

4. On a light floured surface , or even better, between two sheets of parchment (makes transferring it to the pan much easier), roll the dough into a circle about an inch bigger than your pie plate (I used a 9 inch one). Either roll the dough around the rolling pin or use the parchment paper to transfer the dough into the pie plate. Gently press in the dough, making sure to get it into the corners and sides of the plate. If it tears or breaks don't worry, just patch it up with a little excess dough. 

To make the filling:

1. Preheat the oven to 180C.

2. In a large bowl, whisk the eggs and the brown sugar, then add the honey, chocolate, butter, vanilla and salt, and whisk to combine. Stir in the pecan pieces and pour the filling into the lined pie plate. Place the pecan halves around the edge of the pie, as close or as far from each other as you like.

3. Bake the pie for 35 to 40 minutes. The edges should be set but the centre should still be a little jiggly. Don't worry, the chocolate will hold it in place and this will make a lovely goeey pie. Remove from the oven and let chill completely before slicing. If desired, heat up individual slices in the oven for five minutes or so until warm, then serve with a big scoop of vanilla ice cream.

Scones, because I trust Thomas Keller.

This is turning out to be one of the longest days of my life.

I woke up this morning only to remember I needed bananas. Which ended up in me having to traverse several places from wet markets to grocery stores to do the shopping for the entire household. Which then led me to find, having put my phone in the bad my mom uses for marketing, that there was sand in said bag which wreaked havoc on my the screen protector on my poor phone. I had to change it and it was barely two months old.

People seemed to annoy me left and right throughout the day - from not paying attention to anything I was saying to outright just not listening to me. I tired of repeating myself and so decided to keep my mouth shut, until I discovered that I was starving myself, thinking everyone wanted to go out a little later for dinner together, for nothing. No one wanted to go out at all.

A tantrum was very much due. And I got reproached for that too.

I hastily inhaled my dinner of random high-calorie foods (because as every stress eater knows, calories calm a soul), I decided that baking could be therapeutic. Halfway through the baking process, the new extension cable that I bought yesterday to replaced the old frazzled one, frazzled out as well. As did my nerves.

I suppose I could say it was lucky that we were all home and my dad smelled the thing burning a few seconds before I did, and that he helped me unplug the wires which cause the whole house to blackout for a moment.. But what I'm trying to say is that we're lucky it didn't set the wooden shelf it sat on on fire and burn us all to a crisp. Although now that seems very desirable to me.

So while my dad has gone out to find new extension cables, and my cookies are sitting in a slowly fading oven, whose plug I am not sure instill functional, I sit here in the mosquito-filled room and type this post to tell you about the scones I made yesterday morning when I was considerably less angry at the world (but I must mention that due to said older faulty cable, my oven blacked out before the scones were done so I had to finish them in my home broiler that is older than I am. I apologize for their anemic look. Let me assure you that they taste as wonderful as the best scones you will ever have.).

I have never been an advocate of filling things I made with cream with yet more cream, but having tasted actual clotted cream, I dare say that scones, no matter what they are made of, deserve the best clotted cream you can find. And jam. Any jam you like will do, but I must have some kind of red fruit jam because I think it looks lovely with the white. And since I don't seem to have clotted cream in and around my house, I stuffed mine with butter instead.

Basic Scones:

(Adapted from Thomas Keller's Bouchon Bakery)

76g all purpose flour

152g cake flour

6g baking powder

1g baking soda

45g sugar

113g cold unsalted butter, cut into little cubes

67g heavy cream, plus more for brushing

62g Greek style yogurt

Brown sugar, for sprinkling

1. In a large bowl, mix together the flours, baking powder, baking soda and sugar. Add the butter and rub it into the flour slightly to reduce it to large crumbs, then smear the mixture between your palms until you get flat pieces of butter covered in flour. The butter doesn't have to be completely worked in, you want large flat pieces of it, this is what will make your scones flaky later on.

2. Pour in the cream and the yogurt, mix lightly with a wooden spoon until the mixture is just moistened. Turn it out onto a surface sprinkled with a little flour so it doesn't stick.

3. Using a bench scraper, gather the dough into a ball and pat it out into a rectangle. Fold it in thirds as you would a business letter, then pat it out into a rectangle again and fold it in thirds again. This will help to make the scones flaky too (Keller didn't do this, I added this step myself because I wanted to see how flaky I could make them).

4. Do the patting and folding step one more time, then press the dough into a rectangle and put it in the fridge to chill for at least 2 hours.

5. Roll the dough out an inch thick and cut out circles with a 1 1/2 inch round cutter dipped in flour. Don't twist the cutter, just press it down straight. Put the circles on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper and put the sheet in the freezer until frozen solid.

6. Preheat the oven to 180C. Brush the scones with some heavy cream and sprinkle the tops with brown sugar. Bake them until risen and golden brown, 20-25 minutes. Once they're done, cool them slightly then split them in half and eat with jam and butter. Or cream.

This Could Kill Me.

I wish I didn't like chocolate quite so much.

You see, I have spent many years of my life just avoiding the stuff because I feared it would make me fat. Yes, I wouldn't even touch a bar with a 10-metre pole because it contained what I hated most (at the time), calories. And I lacked the willpower.

Now, I'd love to say that I've mustered the strength to just eat a square of chocolate and call it a day but no, I eat half the bar and seek out saltiness to erase the memory of all the sugar on my tongue (I discovered and fell in love with Milka's milk chocolate and I haven't touched the dark stuff ever since). I can and have finished a 800g jar of Nutella in two days - not my proudest moment - and compensated by running till I couldn't feel my feet. 

Extreme ? Yes. But then again, so is my love for chocolate. Let's get to brownies.

A side note: I've had so many recipes for brownies and baked off quite a few, I might add, and I doubt the internet needs another one given the mighty plethora that already exists, but if there is a slight chance that you reading this are as mad about chocolate as I am, then this will be one more reason to bake another wonderful chocolatey square ASAP. Between you and me and the gatepost, one can never have too many recipes for brownies.

Cure-all brownies:

120g butter

228g bittersweet chocolate

2 eggs

1 cup sugar

1/4 tsp salt

1 tsp vanilla extract

3/4 cup flour

2 tbsp cocoa powder

1. Preheat the oven to 175C. Line an 8 by 8 inch pan with parchment paper and set aside.

2. Melt the butter and chocolate over low heat, stirring until smooth.

3. Beat the eggs, sugar and salt until pale yellow and thickened. Beat in the vanilla extract.

4. Stir the chocolate mixture into the egg mixture. Beat in the cocoa powder then suit over the flour, fold in gently.

5. Pour the batter into the prepared pan and bake for 20-25 minutes, until a toothpick inserted comes out with moist crumbs. Remove from the oven and place in the freezer immediately to stop the cooking.

6. Once the brownies have cooled completely, cut into squares and eat your heart out.

Dear Boy, I've finally made Black Sesame Tartlets.

Dear boy,

I am writing this to you, for myself. I've liked you for a while now, but I think it's about time we talked.

I remember the first time I saw you - you were kind even then - giving me little bits of food when I was so scared and nervous. I remember the second time I saw you - you smiled at me and asked me if I was alright, like we had known each other for ages. You guided me and taught me so much ever since that day. I will never forget that.

You never got angry at me. Even when the chefs were screaming and yelling, you were always calm. You were such a positive person too, I hope it rubbed off on me a little. You showed me, kindly, the better way to do things, and gently pointed me in the right direction when I went offtrack. I will always be grateful for that - kindness is vastly underrated.

You always knew when I was sad or mad - there were days when I got nagged at so often, I would be smarting from the comments and pissed off at the world and while it probably wasn't hard to notice the fact that I had smoke coming out from my ears, you always knew what to say. Then there were some days when I was just pensive and quiet - you knew something was wrong even before I knew it myself. Thank you for noticing - and for getting me ice cream on days like those. 

Remember when I was heartbroken ? Thank you for trying to cheer me up. Thank you for asking me over to dinner - I didn't even like fish but then you had caught the fish yourself and you were so eager - the fish was delicious, by the way. I will remember how we all went dancing that night - the first of many nights I would go dancing with everyone else and you. I couldn't dance to save my life but I learned from you that it was alright, as long as you were happy, who's to say that the way you dance is wrong ?

Thank you for all the times you cooked some pasta for me. You knew I loved pasta (with cream sauces) so thank you for overfeeding me and the others to the point where all we could do was sit and complain about our overstuffed bellies. Thank you for bringing me out to the best Italian restaurants and buying me the best pizza. Thank you for showing me where to get the best arancini - I must admit I returned to that shop a few more times for those risotto balls (and the ridiculously good-looking Italian men). Thank you for all the times you dragged me out for gelato even though I was on a diet and it was raining. I now blame you for my worsening addiction to Italian food, cuisine and language. It was bad before I met you, now it's just impossible.

I am grateful for all the days you stayed by my side, when you held my hand and brought me to beautiful places. Thank you for asking about family and friends, thank you for always being so thoughtful and thank you for remembering the little details about me from what I loved to eat and what little stories I told you before. Thank you also, for sending me off to the airport when I finished my internship. I would never admit it to you, but I cried all the way to Turkey.

And lastly, thank you for making my last week in Switzerland a the best one I ever had. You welcomed me with open arms and a big heart - you told me I looked beautiful even after I got a tan and put on 5 pounds, you said I was too thin before. You brought me out for the best food and you gave me so many Italian cookies. You know I loved those little pistachio ones. You came to see me when you could - you spent time with me and maybe even cared about me for a while. You came to see me too, before I left, and wished me a safe journey. You filled up my heart with so much hope and joy - 

- and then you broke it. I guess I knew it was coming, I guess I knew it wasn't love to you, at least, if you did love me, I knew it wasn't even close to enough. Whatever it was, thank you for taking such good care of me. I hope we stay friends because you really are a good one. I'm not mad at you for letting me go, I'm thankful you chose to tell me. I'm sad, yes, it hurt for so much longer than I thought it would. I guess I must have liked you a lot more than I thought.

But dear boy, it's time to leave. It's taken awhile, but I've stopped dreaming of your face. I've stopped hearing your voice, stopped seeing your eyes every time my own were closed, stopped pining and wishing for things that I know won't happen. It's time for me to move on, and wish you good luck. Thank you again for everything... But I am going to let you go now. I hope one day we do meet again, and I hope when that happens, I can finally see you, smile, and say hello, and it won't hurt anymore.

In the meantime, I will keep my end of the promise. I'll fight for the best jobs, make friends with the best people, bake the best sweets, eat the best food and leave my heart wide open. You're right, life is too short to hold on to grudges. And remember when I told you about black sesame and desserts ? You found it hard to believe me then. Look, maybe you'll believe me now.

With love, from Viyern.

Tart shell recipe can be found here. Pinch off small pieces of the dough and press into the bottoms and up the sides of mini tart tins - I used ones that were 1 inch in diameter. Dock the shells and bake for 20 minutes, until golden brown. You can also make a regular 9 inch tart, in which case you have to adjust the baking times accordingly.

For the filling:
(Makes enough to fill eleven 1 inch tartlets and three 2 inch ramekins. Double the recipe for a regular 9 inch tart.)

2 egg yolks
3 1/2 tbsp sugar
1/2 tbsp cornstarch
A pinch of salt
1 cup whole milk
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 tbsp black sesame paste

1. Preheat the oven to 160C and half a kettle of boiled water at hand. Place a rack in the middle of the oven.
2. In a bowl, beat the yolks with the sugar, cornstarch and salt until light coloured and thickened.
3. In a saucepan over medium heat, scald the milk with the sesame paste, whisking till well combined.
4. Pour half the milk mixture into the yolk mixture, whisking all the while, to temper the yolks. Pour the entire mixture back into the saucepan and cook over low heat, stirring with a spatula until thickened slightly and coats the back of a spoon.
5. Remove from heat and strain into a measuring jug. Stir in the vanilla. Pour warm filling mixture into the cooled tart shells, filling them almost to the brim. Pour the excess filling into ramekins.
6. Place the tart shells and ramekins on a baking sheet and place the sheet in the oven, on the middle rack. Pour the hot boiled water into another baking tray and place this below the sheet with the tartlets. This will replicate a water bath but you don't have the risk of water spilling into the tartlets.
7. Bake the tartlets for 15 minutes and the ramekins for 20 minutes, until the centre jiggles only slightly when shaken. Remove from the oven and leave to cool completely before removing from the tins and serving. Store refrigerated.

Coffee Rolls and Learning to Walk Again.

Do you like cinnamon rolls ?

My mom does. My dad doesn't due to an aversion to anything cinnamon. My sister does. Me, I use them merely as a vehicle for frosting and sugar. So how does one make rolls, cinnamon or not, to appease the mob ?

Model them after everyone's favourite drink of course: Coffee.

Yes, I am perfectly aware that everyone wants their coffee done differently. Straight up black. Cold brewed. With milk. With foamed milk. With art. With condensed milk (the best). With nonfat milk, less sugar but hazelnut syrup and cream and some cinnamon over the top.

Let me get this straight. I really couldn't find the want in me to bake after coming back from Bodrum. It was hard to look at the oven or stove and not hear the chef's voice or seeing his expression in my head. I did not want to make cakes or cookies or brownies. To be honest, all I wanted to do was curl up in bed and watch French movies and practice speaking Italian while eating Nutella from the jar with a spoon. I was tired and sad and missing my friends in Switzerland. Then something changed. My girlfriends came to drag me out of the house. I made - albeit very slowly - a batch of brownies for another friend. I had a piece of brownie - the centre - the very best part. My sister handed me some little gifts she had gotten for me while I was away.

Slowly, I began to open my eyes. Slowly, I began to walk again.

Then one day, I asked my dad: hey, what do you think if I made cinnamon rolls, but instead of cinnamon, I put coffee instead ?

Dad, being the coffee addict that he was, responded with an enthusiastic WHYNOTILOVEITALREADY.

Okay, dad. Coffee rolls it is.

So I dragged my butt off the couch, gathered some ingredients, and began to feel my way through the baking process that was once so dear to me. It was easier, I found, to bake for someone else. My dad, who sat with me and wrote me long emails (yes, emails. He doesn't want anything to do with social media.) when I was crying my eyes out in Turkey. My dad, who chattered away when he drove me anywhere and everywhere, when he was so silent before. My dad, who fixed random items in my room to make it so easy for me to do virtually anything (charge my phone and use my laptop and ipad at the same time ? Sure !). My dad, who let me use his credit card to pay for two month's worth of gym membership in a country I was no longer in because I had issues with the cancellation.

Making some coffee rolls for him seemed so trivial after that.

So how did these turn out ?

I made a batch of 17 - I didn't cut them neatly enough and ended up with a lesser amount than I should have. After 24 hours - 6 of which we spent sleeping - There are now just 4 buns left. My dad hoovered them up. My sister happily nibbled through a few. Even my mom, who loves coffee but not in baked goods, ate a fair share.

Moi ? Je préfère l'espresso. Ou quand je veux me récompenser, un latte au thé vert. Chaud, s'il vous plaît. Avec du gâteau, pas de pain. Mais ça, je doit te dit, est tres bon.

I am so sorry for the many pictures to come, but these rolls were so ridiculously photogenic that I just had to post 294012489 pictures of them. Okay, six.

For the buns:
(Adapted from Lisa Yockelson's Baking Style)
3 tsp instant yeast
5 tbsp granulated sugar
4 cups all purpose flour
3/4 tsp salt
1/4 cups warm water
2/3 cups plus 3 tbsp milk
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp coffee extract
2 large eggs
105g butter, softened, cubed

1. In the bowl of a standing mixer, combine the yeast, sugar, flour and salt. Attach the dough hook and mix on low speed to combine the dry ingredients.
2. Add the water, milk, extracts and eggs, mix until the dough is moistened. Add the cubes of butter and knead the dough on medium speed until it is smooth and supple and no chunks of butter remain, about 10 minutes.
3. Remove the dough from the mixture and place in an oiled bowl. Cover with a damp cloth and leave to rise for 1 hour and 45 minutes to 2 hours, until doubled in bulk. Make the filling in the meantime.

For the filling:
1/2 cups granulated sugar
1/4 cups dark brown sugar
5 tsp instant coffee (not coffee grounds !)
100g butter, softened

1. In a bowl, whisk together the sugars and the instant coffee. Have the softened butter and a soft pastry brush at hand.
2. Once the dough has risen, tip it out onto a floured surface and gently press into a square to knock out the air. Using a floured rolling pin, roll the dough into a rectangle roughly 10 by 15 inches wide.
3. Brush the butter all over the surface of the dough, leaving a 1/2 inch border all around the sides. Sprinkle the sugar-coffee mixture all over the surface of the dough, pressing it down slightly so it sticks to the butter.
4. Roll the dough from the longer side into a jelly roll, making sure it is as tight as possible without tearing the dough. Seal the seams by pinching the dough together. Pull the roll lengthwise to lengthen it to about 20 inches. Cut into 20 evenly sized slices using a sharp knife. Leave the slices to stand while you prepare the pan.
5. Generously butter a 9 by 13 inch pan and a 9 by 9 inch pan. Arrange 12 slices on the larger pan, cut side up and 8 slices on the smaller pan, cut side up as well. Cover the pans with plastic wrap and leave to rise for 1 hour in a warm place.
6. Preheat the oven to 180C. Bake the buns for 25 minutes, rotating the trays halfway through the baking time to make sure they brown evenly. The fully baked buns should smell of coffee and be nice and brown on top.
7. Remove from the oven and let stand while you make the frosting.

For the frosting:
3 tbsp cream cheese
5 tbsp icing sugar
1/4 cup strong coffee, cold

1. Beat the cream cheese and icing sugar till smooth. Add the coffee and beat until it resembles a glaze consistency, adding more coffee or icing sugar as needed to adjust the thickness.
2. Using a fork, drizzle the frosting over the buns (or just dollop it on as you like, but in that case I would recommend that you double the frosting..) and serve immediately to anyone who appreciates their cup of joe in bun forms.