Marbled Tofu Cheesecake

I have exactly eight and a half days left till my flight to Switzerland. Besides the usual "pack all your stuff" (which I haven't done) or "get your documents ready" or "do more research on where you're going" advice, the next best ones I got were "eat whatever you want because you might not be able to find it there." Which, for me, is fried chicken (shihlin's Taiwanese fried chicken to be exact) and anything drowned in cheese. I have a feeling I'm going to be able to find renditions of both over there...

And I've been baking a lot too. Mostly just chocolate cakes and breads to use up the plethora of ingredients I seem to have accumulated over the months. There was a point of time when, with twenty-four days left till my flight, I had four kilos of chocolate left to use up. It wouldn't have posed a problem normally, being left with four kilos of the stuff to nosh on but then this was baking chocolate. That I got on the cheap when I was churning out brownies on a large scale. In other words, not good eats.

I also have a can of chestnut paste, some tubs of cream cheese and some good chocolate left too. While bringing them with me to college is out of the question, baking up some last minute indulgences is not. Just so you know, I LOVE chestnuts. I love eating them roasted or fried or braised or even better, in paste form. Okay that sounds disgusting but in reality, it's like peanut butter, but even creamier and sweeter and nuttier and, I dunno, better. And I think I don't have to explain my obsession with cheesecake or brownies.

So I am faced with a dilemma. How do I use up those ingredients in the yummiest way possible ? Do I make one New York cheesecake with a side of fudgy brownies and chestnut cream (and put myself into a food coma just thinking about it) ? OR should I kill two birds with one stone and make the chestnut cheesecake I've been eyeing in the gorgeous Nigella Lawson's cookbook ? Or maybe a chocolate chestnut cake, also from said book ?

Life is hard sometimes. 

While I ponder this extremely important question, I shall leave you with this cheesecake I made a little while ago. It doesn't have either chestnuts or chocolate.. Or must cheese, come to think of it. Yep, it's one of those OMGICAN'TBELIEVEIT'SNOTCHEESE thingies I found floating around on the internet the other day.

Pretty, isn't it ?

And yes, it is tofu. And it's good. Trust me.

 

The texture won't be a smooth or creamy as your usual cheesecake seeing as there's tofu and gelatin in it. It's more of a sliceable mousse. Not that it's a bad thing, but I'm a New York cheesecake sort of girl. That being said, I find this one a pleasant change from the clagginess one might feel (here I say might because I'm not one of those wimps - I mean - people) after eating a slice of baked cheesecake. Plus, it's tofu. And green tea ! What better way to get your daily dose of protein and antioxidants than in a delicious cheesecake, nonetheless ?

I got the recipe from here. I didn't change anything, and if say, I'm feeling a little chunkier lately but still want something sweet, I'd make it again. Nothing changed. It's good, people.

Banana Cupcakes and Jammy Muffins

I am cringing as I write this.

I've taken the longest hiatus from writing since I started. And while the initial reason I started writing this blog in the first place was to record and remind myself which recipes I liked best (yes, I forget. But that's only because I hoard so many recipes that I can't remember which ones I like and which ones I don't), it makes me flinch to see that I've only written one meager post for June. And it's almost the end of June too, dammit.

But, hello ? Does anyone read this ?

Anyhoo, I've been MIA because I've been preparing to go to Switzerland ! The land of CHOCOLATES and CHEESE and ROSTÏ. At least, that's what I heard, it might be a different matter when I get there, but hey a girl can dream. There has been a million and one things I need to get done and pack. Speaking of packing, my luggage is still empty. Haven't packed as much as a single thing. And only one a half weeks to go !

I'm excited, really. And terrified. The furthest I've ever been away from home is China, and that was with my family, for a holiday. Now I'm going to be on my own (well almost, two of my friends are coming along but you get what I mean) and I'm going to study, and ultimately find somewhere to work. Which probably means it's going to be a long, long time before I get to camp in my own bed again.

Yep, I'm squirming as I type.

So aside from last minute preparations and shopping for stockings and the all important task of decided which stuffed animal to bring, I've been making time to see as many of my friends as possible. Then one day I decided to visit the man who, aside from my family, watched me grow up and taught me to love music.

My organ teacher. Who's been teaching me to play the organ since I was 3.

(Just for the record, I'm 20. Insert gasp of awe here.)

I wasn't too emotional when I met up with my friends recently. Actually I was practically stoic seeing as I mightn't be seeing them for the better part of a year or two or so. The reality of leaving hadn't hit me yet, and since there was a million ways to connect and reconnect with people from all parts of the globe, I wasn't too concerned. And I did what I always did, which is bake for people. And while my friends are perfectly content with cupcakes and brownies and cookies, my teacher whom I shall call Mr G for convenience, deserved something different. I wanted it to be special.

So I thought back to what he liked. After 16 years of classes, I realized I didn't know much about him. I knew he liked tea and yoga. I knew he was flexible and calm and never lost his temper. I knew his glasses were slightly tinted gray and he always wore khakis. I knew he ate sausage buns for lunch somedays. 

My mom heartily discouraged me from making him sausage buns because she said that he'd been eating them for years now, and she doubted another sausage bun was the best thing to give him as a parting gift. She did have a point.

So I made muffins. I made a batch for someone who was helping me with the process of getting into the Swiss school, and there were some leftover. I made another batch of a different kind and packed them into a pretty box and got my parents to drop me off at the music centre.

(I called beforehand. I wanted to surprise him but ended up calling first because I just wanted to check if he'd be around. Okay, I didn't call per se, but I texted to ask and he called me. He sounded happy enough to hear from me, which in turn, made me feel bad for not texting before since I hadn't been going for nearly a year now.)

I had the oddest feeling when I was climbing up the stairs. My throat felt constricted and I could hardly breathe. I passed it off as a not-being-used-to-the-many-stairs sort of feeling. Mr G opened the door for me and smiled as if nothing had happened. I babbled about the muffins and hastily explained about going to Switzerland. He listened patiently and smiled and wished me luck and told me to drop by again when I returned to Malaysia. I shook his hand sixty seven times and waved when I went down the stairs. Then I climbed inside the car with my parents and cried my eyes out. And I don't even know why. Honestly, it's the first time I've cried since I started the whole going-abroad process. 

But I do know that I have him to thank for keeping me sane for so many years. For showing me that music can heal even the deepest sadness. And that if I put my heart to it, I can play any song I want, even when I don't have the written keys. For proving that practice does indeed make perfect. That sometimes, your fingers can still remember what your brain forgets. 

And for showing me that sausage buns, tea and yoga are the key to longevity and a calm mind. Seriously, he doesn't look a day older than when I first met him.

Banana Cupcakes

(Adapted from Cupcakes by Shelly Kadunski)

Makes 12

155g cake flour

3/4 tsp baking soda

3/4 tsp baking powder

1/4 tsp salt

1 large, ripe banana (about 200g)

3 heaped tbsp Greek yogurt

175g light brown sugar

125g unsalted butter

1 egg

1 tsp vanilla extract

1. Preheat the oven to 180C and line a standard 12-cup muffin pan with paper cases.

2. Sift together the flour, baking soda, baking powder, and salt. 

3. Mash together the banana and sour cream until smooth.

4. Using a mixer, cream the butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Add the egg and vanilla and beat until well combined, scraping down the sides of the bowl if necessary.

5. Add the flour mixture and beat on low speed until just combined. Fold in the banana mixture just until it's mixed in. Don't overmix the batter at this stage, a lumpy batter is alright.

6. Divide the batter among the paper cases. They'll be quite full, but it's alright because this will give you tall cupcakes (or in my case, muffins. Heh.). Bake until lightly golden and a toothpick inserted in the centre of a cupcake comes out clean. Your kitchen will smell like bananas foster with a touch of popcorn, and this will only take 18-20 minutes. 

7. Let the cupcakes cool in the pan for 5 minutes, then remove them to a wire rack to cool completely.

Jammy Crumble Muffins

(Adapted from Back To Baking by Anna Olson)

Makes 9 muffins

For the crumble*:

1/2 cup all purpose flour

3 1/2 tbsp rolled oats

3 tbsp packed light brown sugar

1 tsp ground cinnamon

1/4 tsp salt

3 tbsp cool unsalted butter, cut into pieces

1. Stir together all the ingredients except the butter. Using your fingers, rub in the butter until it is evenly mixed in and the mixture is crumbly and forms clumps. Set aside while making the muffin batter.

*this makes a lot more crumble than you will need for this recipe, but it will keep in a container in the freezer for months. Pull it out and make more muffins when you feel like it. 

For the muffins:

1/2 cup + 2 tbsp sugar

1/2 cup Greek yogurt

1 egg

1/4 cup vegetable oil

2 tbsp honey

1 tsp vanilla extract

1 1/2 cups all purpose flour

1 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 cup blueberry jam (or any other thick jam that you like)

1. Preheat the oven to 190C. Line a standard 12-cup muffin pan with paper liners.

2. In a mixing bowl, whisk the sugar, yogurt, egg, oil, honey and vanilla until smooth and well combined.

3. In another bowl, sift together the flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt. Add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients and fold together with a spatula or a wooden spoon until just combined. Remember, a lumpy batter makes the best muffins so don't overmix !

4. Divide the batter into 9 of the muffin cups. Using a small spoon, put a tsp of blueberry jam into each muffin cup, pressing it down slightly so it sinks ever so slightly into the batter. This will keep it from bubbling over and burning on the side of the pan as the batter bakes. Sprinkle over a little crumble mixture, using around a tsp of crumble per muffin.

5. Bake them for 20 minutes, until the tops spring back when lightly pressed and they are a nice golden hue. Cool them for 10 minutes in the tin, then remove to a wire rack to cool completely.

 

Homemade Nutella

Today, I discovered that I could make Nutella.

Okay, so I guess that this isn't new to many of you. Many bloggers out there have been making their own jar of happiness since aeons ago. But for me, it's a revelation. Of how powerful my little food processor can be.

I mean just look at that:

To be honest, I didn't think I could do it. I mean I did try making some ground nut truffles before, but they were still kinda chunky - albeit delicious - so I just drew the conclusion that my processor was no Vitamix or Robocoupe and Nutella would have to come from my nearest Tesco.

Then for some reason this afternoon, I opened the fridge door and felt the bag of ground hazelnuts looking at me. I bought the bag awhile ago with every intention of making macarons. Now, still having the blues of not working anymore, I didn't feel like piping intricate circles on baking sheets or whipping up batches of buttercream (funny how one can miss working, but I do. God, I do. I can't sleep at night now - back to being an insomniac - which sucks because I could have slept brushing my teeth when I came home from work. I miss my friends so badly I actually stalk them on Facebook. Sigh. Send help). I wanted chocolate, and I wanted it in spoonable form. So I made Nutella.

One of my friends doesn't think much of hazelnuts - that was, until I roasted them for him. He said he found them oddly devoid of flavour and preferred snacking on walnuts and almonds and pumpkin nu-I mean, seeds. I stubbornly insisted that they were good (which is odd coming from someone who doesn't like nuts. I don't like nuts. In nut form, that is. I love peanut butter and anything made with nut flours. And if pistachio paste makes me giddy, marzipan just makes me die and go to nut paste heaven.) and toasted a handful and left them on the counter. I came back to find an empty pan.

So I roasted the ground nuts. Then I threw them in my food processor and blended and meticulously scraped down for what felt like hours. I nearly squealed when I saw the nuts smoothing out.. Then releasing their oils.. I think I actually blended it more than necessary, seeing was I was still scraping down and blending after I got hazelnut paste. I blended it even more after adding the sugar and cocoa..

And when I poured it into the jar I wanted to cry, it looked so beautiful.

I need to stash this away in the deepest recesses of my fridge. My sister hoards Nutella - she won't even let me take so much as a sniff when I bring her home a jar. I need to buy two jars when I use it to bake, sometimes three because I want one all to myself. Sheesh. Anyhoo, I made this batch when my mom and sister was away at school so nobody knows. 

It's mine. All mine.

Homemade Nutella

Adapted from Southern Italian Desserts by Rosetta Constantino

150g ground hazelnuts (you can buy them whole, roast them, then grind them yourself but I had some already ground so I just ran with it)

2 tbsp coconut oil, or use any neutral tasting vegetable oil, plus 2 tbsp extra if you want a thinner consistency

63g icing sugar, plus a little more, to taste

3 tbsp cocoa powder

1/2 tsp vanilla extract

1. Preheat the oven to 180C. Spread the ground hazelnuts on a baking sheet. Bake for 15 minutes, stirring every 5 minutes, until golden and nutty-smelling. My ground hazelnuts were made from untoasted nuts, so I just toasted them already ground. Initially skeptical, I was giddy when it worked.

2. Dump all the ground nuts into a blender or a food processor and blend. It's best to do this while the nuts are still warm, as they release their oils better. Depending on the speed and power of your blender, you may or may not need the oil. I didn't add any at all. Just keep blending and scraping down the sides.. And blending.. And scraping (adding one or two tablespoons of the oil if necessary).. Until the nuts become a smooth paste. It's going to seem like forever (20 minutes-ish) but have faith, it'll happen. Add a little more oil if you have to.

3. Add the icing sugar and cocoa powder, blend until mixed in. Blend in the vanilla extract. Taste the mixture to see if you like it sweeter - I did and I added another tablespoon of sugar. The sugar and cocoa will thicken up the mixture quite abit, so add another tablespoon of oil if you want a looser consistency. I didn't add any oil at all because I'm stingy like that and I kinda liked the thick, gloppy paste that stuck to the roof of my mouth. Reminds me of peanut butter.

4. Pour the contents of the blender into a jar and keep in the fridge. 

Dark Chocolate Torte

Hi. I'm still alive, just in case you're wondering.

Which brings me to wonder, does anyone even read this ?

Regardless, I am writing this now because I am no longer working. Yup, after a month and a half of working in the hotel kitchen, I find myself at home again, with nothing to do but bake and eat. I did not quit the job. I wasn't fired either. I was just "removed" because the hotel decided that part timers were too expensive to be hired. I'm still scratching my head over that one, because it's one of the richest places in the city.. But whatever. I digress.

How have the six weeks been ? Well, if I have to be honest, those were the best weeks of my life. I walked in on my first day, feeling weird and jittery to the extent where I had no appetite. This is coming from a girl who practically eats her feelings.. But that day I could barely look at my water, let alone put solid food in my mouth. It was like walking into school after you graduated. Everything seems so familiar, but you get a sense of something different around the place. Most of my friends had left, with the exception of a few old faces. By the end of the day, I had met and liked everyone in the establishment, new and old alike. 

Time flew. My appetite came back and I ate voraciously and I didn't care because I was always running around and sweating it out having to grill trays of veggies often. I remembered how to do the things I once did when I worked there before, like how to make cheese plates (I work in a buffet with a cheese plate. How awesome is that ?) and layer lasagnes. I carted trays and boxes around and spent eleven hours a day on my feet so when I got home and sat down, my joints actually groaned. I cooked and watched people cook and made up my mind that if I ever wanted to eat anything Alfredo, I wasn't going to make it myself (cream + bacon fat + cheese could only mean deliciousness, but it still wasn't something I was willing to actually cook for myself..). I got acquainted with the new head of the place and also managed to get yelled at once or twice (believe me, those things were not of my doing). I met more people and made so many friends and found a sort of niche for myself in a place where nearly everyone was male. I didn't care. I loved it.

I loved that some guests remembered me. I loved that I could stuff my face with chocolate and fried pizza dough and not worry about putting on weight (okay, I did worry a little but it was justified in the end). I loved that I got paid to work around ingredients I had only seen previously but never got to touch or buy or eat because they were so goddamn expensive, or be around people that just made me happy. Everyone was so ridiculously easy to get along with, and I began to look forward to seeing them every day when I woke up. If this sounds stupid, I don't care. Sue me.

So when I was told then it had to end, I went into shock. I mean, I knew that I would have to stop sooner or later. My plan was to work till June, or at least the end of May, when my graduation would be. I never expected to be kicked out so early, more than two weeks earlier than what I had anticipated. My friends were surprised and they did tell me to stay, as well as come with up some silly suggestions to help me sneak back in, but I knew I couldn't do it. I didn't want to extend my welcome. On the last day of work, I went and did everything as I always did. And I left as I always did, without saying goodbye.

I never say goodbye. I don't like goodbyes. I always, always believe that they're not necessary because I'll always be seeing the other person again. Then I realized, that this time, I wouldn't be seeing them again. I wouldn't be going back there to work. I couldn't afford to go to a five star buffet to eat, and why would I, when they would be the ones slaving away to feed me ? I would be leaving the country in July. When was I going to see them again ?

I made up my mind. I walked back in - and sheepishly collected my voucher and pay for the week - and said goodbye and thanks to the people I should have byed and thanked before I left. I didn't stay long though.. It felt different already. I wasn't in my uniform and they still had to work. I didn't. I went home and cried.

I'm still not used to waking up and not having to drive off to work. I'm not used to having enough sleep, and I'm not used to being at home again. I'm not used to not being able to stuff my face anymore - technically I could, but with the amount of physical activity I have these days, it wouldn't be wise. Most of all, I'm not used to not being around the people I have grown to adore and, dare I say it, love. 

Erk, look at me, I've become such a baby.

I miss my friends. I really do.

Yes, there's Facebook and whatsapp and whatever social media and I can still visit and all but I'm so afraid it won't be the same. There's a huge difference in asking "how are you doing ?" when you're both fighting off the onslaught of hungry guests and asking "how are you doing ?" after commenting on someone's post about work via Facebook. 

But moping around isn't much good. I mean, why, when I have just proclaimed to have had the best times of my life ? Who knows, maybe I'll remain fast (Facebook) friends with some of them and we could be destinied to meet and work together again someday. Or I might run into one of them in Switzerland (wow). Or maybe I'd actually get that pair of shoes from said country for one of my friends who asked for said pair of shoes. And then we'd have to meet again. Or something like that. So on that cheerful(er) note, I leave you with this tart. Or torte, since I didn't actually make a tart shell. Nor was it made in a tart pan. I also made this when I was in the middle of a working week and in dire need of chocolate from lack of sleep and probably some essential minerals, come to think of it, since my diet at that point consisted of cheese and smoked salmon. But who am I kidding, I'm always in dire need of chocolate.

And normally, I would never be found making tortes, or anything for that matter, which ingredients are wholly cream and chocolate. I love my thighs too much for that (not that I have slim thighs in the first place). But I was walking around all day and I was eating a lot of cream and chocolate anyway so I figured "eh, why not ?"

Make this. Whether you're waking hours are spent walking or cooking or mooching around, make this and eat it. Then go ahead and reminisce about the good times. You'll feel better, trust me.

Dark Chocolate Torte

Adapted from this recipe.

For the crust:

10 graham crackers (I used digestives)

1 tbsp cocoa powder

2 tbsp brown sugar

5 tbsp butter

For the filling:

2 cups whipping cream

16 oz good quality bittersweet chocolate 

1. To make the crust, preheat the oven to 180C. Put all the ingredients except for the butter into a food processor and blend until very fine. Add the butter and pulse until the mixture becomes crumbly, like wet sand. If this doesn't happen, add another tablespoon of butter. Press the mixture into the bottom of a 7 inch springform pan and bake for 10 minutes. Leave to cool while you prepare the filling.

2. Chop the chocolate into little pieces and place in a large heatproof bowl. Heat the cream in a saucepan till just below a simmer - careful, you don't want it to boil. Pour the cream over the chocolate and let sit for a minute or so, then using a wooden spoon or a spatula, stir gently until the chocolate is melted and everything is combined and smooth. 

3. Pour the filling over the crust and refrigerate the torte until set, this should take at least three hours. To serve, unclip the sides of the pan and cut slices with a knife dipped into water and wiped dry. Make sure to clean the knife between slices ! 

Avocado Brownies

Have I mentioned that I love brownies ?

I just checked my recipe index, and from the staggering amount of brownie recipes I have there (just two or three, wow), I find it hard to believe myself. Oh well, that can be easily remedied.

But before I go on about them, let me just say that I have gathered my guts and went to ask for a job. I'm not sure if I got it, but I loaded up on sugar (in lieu of some candy bars) and took off before I had a chance to even think about what I was doing. They seemed pretty nice and generally okay with the idea of me actually working there.. Oh I don't know. Fingers crossed. And toes and hair and limbs and whatever. Please give me the job...

Anyhoo, I made some brownies yesterday because I had some avocados in the fridge. In case you're thinking, brownies ? Avocados ? Well I can explain. I originally bought some to make guacamole (which I am obsessed with at the moment) but then I got lazy I didn't have any tomatoes to put in the guac, nor did I have any nachos or chips of eat the guac with. See my awesome planning skills ? So yeah, instead if letting them turn into mush in my refrigerator, I got onto looking and unearthed a recipe for brownies and ice cream. Both made with avocado.

How are they, you ask ? Well the ice cream is a mint chocolate chip one, and the avocado adds a nice green hue without me having to 'help it out' with some coloring. My sister insisted that I splosh in a LOT of mint extract because she's the biggest fan of mint-chip ice cream on the face of the planet. It's bordering on toothpaste now, but she's oddly excited about it and keeps eyeing the container even though she feigns disinterest. Hmm..

But the brownies ! They're dense slabs of chocolate and taste nothing like avocado. With the advantage of having not butter or oil in them, nor any flour, they're gluten free and good for you. You know, what with some healthy fats and chocolate thrown into the mix. At least, that's what I told myself when I cut them into squares and then ate some after the photo shoot. I did throw the pan back into the fridge after that.. Then I hemmed and hawed and went back for another piece. I need to get these out of the house.

P.S: I won't post the recipe for the ice cream because I want to give it another try. The taste is spot on but the texture isn't as smooth as any of the ice creams I've made before.. Then again maybe it's because I put in a crapload of chocolate chips. Oops.

P.S#2: I GOT THE JOB. Sure it's not the highest paying job out there and it's ten long hours of work six days a week but I GOT THE JOB ! Okay, my brain just went ten hours hohoho you're going to pay for it but regret schmegret, I GOT THE JOB !!!!

Time to cut myself another piece of brownie celebrate !

Avocado Brownies

Recipe adapted from here.

1 medium ripe avocado
250g dark chocolate, melted and cooled slightly
1/3 cup brown sugar
1/3 cup caster sugar
3 eggs
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 tsp salt
1/3 cup cocoa powder
1/3 cup rice flour

1/3 cup chocolate chips

1. Preheat the oven to 180C and line an 8 by 8 inch pan with parchment paper.
2. Peel and remove the pit from the avocado. Put it in a food processor or a blender and blend until you get a smooth, lump-free purée. Pour in the melted chocolate and blend until smooth.

3. Add both the sugars and blend until well combined. Add once egg at a time, processing until you can't see the yolk any more before adding the next egg. Blend in the vanilla and salt.

4. Add the cocoa powder and rice flour and blend to mix. They're both gluten free, so you don't have to worry about overworking the mixture, though you could pour out the batter into a mixing bowl and fold in the cocoa powder and rice flour by hand. Stir in the chocolate chips by hand, you wouldn't want to blend those.

5. Pour the batter into the prepared pan and bake for 25-30 minutes, until set. Don't overbake them, be sure to take them out while they're still a little fudgy in the middle. Cool completely, then refrigerate until cold before cutting into squares. Serve with ice cream if desired (optional, but recommended).