Raspberry Blondies with White Chocolate Chunks

March 26th: the government announced that the missing plane, MH370 had crashed into the Indian Ocean. No one on board survived.

My father and mother sat there, stone-faced, listening to the rest of the news. I had to force myself to keep quiet. And not bawl. I didn't know what I expected.. But it certainly wasn't this.

The newspapers had black front pages as a tribute to everyone on board. There were pictures of the pilot, the crew and the passengers plus a little of their background stories. There were families, a couple on their honeymoon, sisters, brothers parents... There was a baby on board. It hurt to look. Everywhere I turned, there was just more confirmation of the news I didn't want to hear. 

I didn't know anyone on board personally. But a friend of my grampa's had lost his son - the boy was going on a holiday to Beijing. I felt bad for the people on board and the families that had to go through the grief of losing someone. And the thought that it could have been someone I knew or cared about scared me. So badly that I needed to reach out to some people - my family, my friends, anyone at all - just to be reassured that they were there. I felt the need to let them know that I cared. I haven't been doing that for a long, long time now. I was tired of being hurt so I shut myself away. And now, my heart has been locked up for so long, I couldn't remember when was the last time I told my best friend I missed her. Or when I let someone give me a hug. I needed to change.

Because in the end, you'll only regret the things you didn't say or do. You'll remember all the hugs you didn't give and the I love yous that you held back. Not to mention all the sweets you passed on.

I discovered Eatthelove a little while ago - and fell in love with it straight away. Irvin is one of the funniest bloggers I've ever read and his recipes made me hungry. I literally LOLed when I read his posts and I must have bookmarked every single one of them to make. In the sadness of the previous few days, I went back to his blog, read it from head to tail all over again, and immediately knew which recipe I wanted, no, needed to make.

I changed it up, though, having craved for the chewiness of a blondie and also not having any raspberries at my immediately disposal (damn, those things are expensive here). The bars were chewy and yummy and the white chocolate and raspberry jam (he said not to use jam and I did, here I hang my head in shame) was sweet and comforting. I ate my way through what was nearly the whole pan in three days, then picked up my phone and began dialing some numbers.

Raspberry Blondies with White Chocolate Chunks

See the original recipe here.

85g butter

200g brown sugar

1 tsp vanilla extract

1 1/2 large eggs (yes, this is awkward. But you could always use 1 large egg + 1 large yolk)

140g all purpose flour

55g almond meal

1/2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp sea salt

125g white chocolate, chopped into chunks

1/3 cup raspberry jam

1. Preheat the oven to 170C. Line an 8 by 8 inch square pan with parchment paper.

2. Put the butter in a small saucepan and set it over medium heat. Let the butter melt, then continue heating it until it browns - it'll bubble up a lot at first, then the color will start to change. Swirl the pan so it browns evenly, then once it's brown and smells like caramel popcorn, pour it into a large bowl, making sure to scrape out all the brown bits as well. 

3. Immediately add the brown sugar to the butter and stir to mix the two. It'll be kind of dry and sandy but keep stirring so it cools down a little. Add the vanilla then crack in the eggs (or egg plus yolk) and stir until it forms a thick batter. Add the flour, almond meal, baking powder and salt, stir until just combined. Don't over mix this !

4. Stir in the chocolate chunks, then scrape the batter into the prepared pan. It'll be thick. Spread the batter evenly in the pan. Using a piping bag or a spoon, pipe or spread stripes of raspberry jam on the surface of the bars. Use a toothpick or a skewer to drag lines back and forth over the stripes to create a marble effect.

5. Bake the bars for 20 - 25 minutes, until the edges are darker brown and the centre looks set. Cool them completely before cutting into bars and serving - I love them cold from the fridge.